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     It has taken me over forty years to recognize my value and worth.  I put everyone and their needs above my own.  Why?  I believed I was following the teachings of Christ.  Ultimately, I was being a “good” Christian.   From childhood to adulthood, I endured a lot of gas lighting and maltreatment by family members.  I did not want to add to the chaos by confronting it.   After all, I was taught “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).         
     I extended grace to the relative(s) who spoke condescending towards me, belittled me, ridiculed me, mocked me, falsely accused me, rejected me, laughed at my pain, took pleasure in my failures, and successfully turned other relatives against me.  I turned the other cheek when those same relatives mistreated my children.  When I had every reason to lose control, I chose to operate in forgiveness.   I chose to love my enemies (family members) and pray for those who mistreated me (Matthew 5:44).   
    My ability to forgive and demonstrate compassion was taken as a sign of weakness.   As a matter-of-fact, my quiet and non-combative demeanor earned me the position of prey for some and a favorite for others.  The title of “favorite” contributed to secret envy and competition for the coveted position.   I have been replaced as a “favorite” because I no longer accept anyone’s cruelty.  In hindsight, I was never anyone’s favorite.   If so, I would still hold the position after I found my voice and my value.       
     The phrase teaching people how to treat us was coined by Dr. Phil and I completely agree.  I taught my family that I did not value “self”.  When anyone sees that you do not value yourself, he/she will treat you accordingly.  I’m not saying I was responsible for their behavior nor did I deserve the maltreatment.  I allowed people to treat me how I saw myself.  Because I see myself the way God sees me, I know longer accept maltreatment.   I gave myself permission to set personal boundaries without feeling guilty.   

 
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”-Brene Brown