Slideshow image

The word “family or relatives” can bring on various emotions depending on your childhood.  Many people don’t realize the effects of their childhood until they are well into adulthood.   Toxic family dynamics can be hard to recognize.   Television has shown us what a “perfect” family should look like.   What happens when your family looks differently than those on television?   What if your family is toxic?   How do you identify and cope with those family members who are toxic?   Do you attend family reunions or avoid them altogether?    The word toxic means deadly, poisonous, and causing unpleasant feelings.   
     Everything points back to the garden.  The first family God created was toxic.  For example, Cain killed Abel (Genesis 4:1-8).  Since the first family had problems, how come you and I expect a different outcome?   I don’t want to dwell on the story of Cain and Abel because all of us are familiar with it.   However, I do want to discuss the state of families after the crucifixion, resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ.   Do we expect our families to look differently because of the finished work on the cross?  Sadly, many people profess to believe in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit but are still toxic.   How does anyone who has fellowship with Jesus remain toxic?  It’s simple, their minds are not renewed (2 Corinthians 5:17).  Toxic relatives are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions.  Why? Because in their minds they are always right.  Plus, the rest of the family enables the behavior.     
   Some signs of a toxic family are: manipulation, invalidating your feelings, controlling behavior, very critical whether covertly or overtly, they overreact, they ignore you, they isolate you, conversations are always about them, they are competitive, jealous, draining, they sow seeds of discord with other family members, and will completely disregard your boundaries.  Toxic family members will disagree with whatever you say, even if they know you are right.  They are combative on purpose.  A toxic person is an abusive person. 
     No family is without conflict or disagreements.  Nevertheless, healthier families can have a disagreement, apologize and work to change the behavior once they are made aware of it.  Toxic family members will deny, lie and shift the blame.  If you have been and/are currently a victim of a toxic family dynamic, do not feel guilty if you decide to walk away.  Walking away is not a sign of weakness,   sometimes it takes more strength to walk away rather than stay.   “We have every right to distance ourselves from people who have no other intention toward us other than controlling us, cutting us down, or otherwise putting us into states of horrible emotional pain and confusion”-Dr. Sherrie Campbell.