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 Many of us can admit being happy, sad or angry but few can admit being jealous.  Jealousy is a complex emotion.  Jealousy is an overwhelming feeling of insecurity or a feeling associated with being possessive of another person.  Everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives, but the emotion can become destructive and negatively impact your relationships.  Jealousy can lead to other feelings or emotions such as blaming, lack of trust, obsession, paranoia, resentment, and character assassination.  When people discuss jealousy, they equate it with material things or accomplishments.  People are not always jealous of your possessions, they can be jealous of who you are, your personality, or the way people are drawn to you. 
     As previously discussed, one of the feelings that stem from jealousy is blaming.  This is going to be difficult to share but it is time for me to put my voice on it.  I have two cousins who are sisters, and I will call them Lucy and Cathy.  Lucy is the eldest of the two.  Lucy and I built a friendship that was emulated by some and despised by others.  Cathy grew to despise our relationship.  Cathy loathed my presence and my absence.  What do I mean by that?  If I showed up to the cook out, her demeanor would change.  My presence disgusted her.  If I called a relative and she was there, she would leave.  One year at a family reunion, Lucy and Cathy had a disagreement.  FYI: I did not attend the reunion.  According to eyewitnesses, Cathy accused Lucy of treating me better than her.  How did I end up in the argument?  Cathy’s disdain for me was like a volcano that finally erupted.    
 A few years ago, Lucy was informed by their mother that Cathy feels like she treats me better.  My aunt was trying to help her daughters repair their relationship without addressing the real issue….jealousy.   When Lucy and I were talking about it, I said that I was tired of being the target.  Lucy quickly interjected Cathy’s issue did not have anything to do with me.  I beg to differ, but I learned something at that moment.  Lucy was quick to defend her sister and unwilling to address the real issue. In hindsight, I realized Lucy enabled Cathy’s behavior.  Why didn’t I address Cathy?   Cathy was not one you could speak to because she would fly into a rage. She is one I would have had to physically fight.  Cathy has always been aggressive and extremely confrontational.  Cathy spent years despising me but somehow she was able to make me out to be the villain.        
      In 2018, I decided to apologize to Cathy not because I was guilty.  I was tired.  I was tired of being the scapegoat.  I was tired of invisible bullets being fired at me.  After years of trying to be the peacekeeper, I decided to limit my interactions with most of my family.  I have removed myself from the equation, and it appears Cathy and Lucy have reconciled.  I am not saying my absence is the reason for their reconciliation.  Maybe it is timing, maturity and growth but with me out of the picture, Cathy sure looks happier.  If my absence causes the rest of the family to get along, so be it.  I care about my family but I refuse to fight for their acceptance. 
     No one will ever admit that Cathy was jealous of me and Lucy’s relationship.  They will find a way to blame me.  I am well aware that Cathy’s jealousy had more to do with her than me, but I was collateral damage.  People who struggle with jealousy are dangerous.   Although an individual’s jealousy does not always lead to an extreme act, it is a vicious emotion that can ruin relationships.  If jealousy does not have anything to do with it, Joseph would beg to differ (Genesis 37:1-4).   If jealousy does not have anything to do with it, Hannah would beg to differ (1 Samuel 1:1-6).  If jealousy does not have anything to do with it, David would beg to differ (1 Samuel 18).