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    What is domestic violence or intimate partner violence?  It is defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.  Abuse is physical, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes behaviors that humiliate, injure, terrorize, blame, shame, bully, intimidate, or wound someone.  It also includes extreme jealousy, name calling and possessiveness.  
     Adultery has been added to the definition of domestic violence.  Why? Adultery diminishes a person’s self-esteem, causes emotional turmoil, humiliates, and is extremely painful.  It is demoralizing and equally as damaging as a physical attack.  Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate.  It can happen to anyone of any age, race, gender, religion, educational level, or socioeconomic status.  It happens in the homes of married couples, singles, believers and non-believers.   
     Many have asked, “Why does she stay”?  Let’s discuss a few reasons some women may stay with their abusers.  Some women stay in order to honor their covenant/marriage.  Some women stay for the children.  Many want the father to be active and/or present in the lives of their children.  Plus, there is social pressure to remain in a relationship. Others stay for financial reasons.  Most women stay because it is very dangerous to leave.  Women who leave their abusers stand a higher risk to be killed shortly after leaving the relationship.  A lot of women stay and suffer in silence because no one will believe them.   
     Few have asked, “Why does he hit, choke, punch, slap or even kill?” Abusers have a sense of entitlement.  They believe that their life is the priority.  Women are objectified and viewed as property.  For some abusers, it is learned behavior.  They use abuse to get what they want.  The abuser is wounded, broken, insecure, and enabled.  That’s right.  Abusers are enabled.  Most people justify the abusers behavior/action.  I’ve heard people say things like “what did she do to make him hit her”  “she must not be doing something right” “he has a temper” or “he is going through something”.  
     Let’s face it.  The church has played a huge role in telling women what we need to do in order to make and keep men happy.  One method used by the church is “stay and pray”.  Some women believe if they stick it out; he will eventually change.  It is time for the church to get more educated and knowledgeable about domestic violence.  All of us can quote Ephesians 5:22, but only a few can quote 1 Peter 3:7.  I wonder if domestic violence is not a priority and does not get referred to in sermons because most pastors are men.