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  Ten years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a beautiful young lady in the workplace.   She was quiet, standoffish, and withdrawn.  I observed her as she maneuvered around the office performing her daily tasks.  Plus, I recognized that she was trying to avoid building relationships with me or anyone.  Unbeknownst to her, I tend to hone in on people who are withdrawn.  We established a friendship and within that friendship we began to share our experiences.  She trusted me with a secret many women are not willing to share out of humiliation or fear of being judged.  She and her children had endured years of domestic abuse.  The abuse was physical, emotional, verbal and financial.  
     On the outside, they looked like the perfect family.  They had a house, two cars, two children and a dog.  They were living the American Dream.  My friend and her family attended church every Sunday.  Not only did they attend church, but were very active.  Nevertheless, serving God did not prevent or stop the abuse.  She did not understand “how” or “why” God would allow this to happen to her and her children.  She did not understand why her church family told her to “stay, pray, forgive, be patient, and don’t do things that make him angry”. Everyone dismissed her cry for help; therefore, she and her children suffered in silence for twenty years.        
    My friend quoted a scripture familiar to many of us, “For the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16).  There is more to the scripture, but this portion has been used in order to guilt people into staying in unhealthy marriages.  I did not tell her to leave her abusive husband, but I wanted her to be free from bondage and guilt.  I encouraged her with these words, “God definitely hates the act of divorce, not HIS people.  God hates divorce because of the effect it has on the family and community.  God does not love the institution of marriage more than He loves the two people within the marriage.” My friend and her children were able to escape their abuser.    
     While scrolling on Facebook this morning, I saw a video of a Nigerian woman who was beaten to death by her husband.  Her husband held a high position in the church. She stayed with her husband because “the church” frowns upon divorce.  She stayed with her husband because she did not want to be rejected by the church. She paid a high price for the institution of marriage……death.  Unfortunately, a woman is beaten every nine seconds.  More than three women are killed by their boyfriends/husbands every day.  
     One of the main reasons women stay in an abusive relationship is financial.  Church, we are going to have to do more than say a prayer and read scriptures.  The church has to offer practical help in order to prevent domestic abuse.  Does anyone in the church own rental properties in order to house the women and children?  Does anyone own a business in order to hire the women?  Does the church have a fund that can assist with paying bills?  Does the church have a food bank?  Are the men in the church willing to confront the husband or offer the women and children emotional support?  It is important for the church to take a stand against domestic violence and to help provide resources for the family.  In addition to meeting the spiritual needs of people, the church has to be equipped to meet physical needs as well.   Instead of building larger sanctuaries, let’s try pooling our resources in order to build stronger and healthier families.